Hi, this is my (highly summarised) story of male domestic abuse, child abuse and parental alienation of our daughter over the entire 6 years she has been alive. The family courts and the police whom have all ignored and marginalised me. I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years. During those 3 years my ex-partner displayed the typical behaviours that abusers do (aka controlling & coercive behaviour) because as we well know, these behaviours are not gendered. Basically, she slowly isolated me from talking to my friends & family by having loud outburst or threatening to leave if or when I spoke to them about things, I’d usually talk to them about.
I was very close to my sister and now I don’t speak to them at all. She has essentially gone around all her friends and family, my family and even “stole” some of my friends claiming they were hers and told them all I’ve abused her, which I never have, ever. It’s a tactic called projection. It’s what sociopaths do. The entire 3 years she used to be verbally abusive about once a month then dump me and run off, literally. She’s checked my phone. Send me paranoid texts while I’m at work and lots of other behaviours. When the relationship broke down it was because I’d had 3 years of abuse and I was fed up of it. I literally told her to get her stuff and leave. Which she did and took our daughter with her which now in hindsight I can genuinely say was essentially paternity fraud. She didn’t ever want a partner (she has a string of failed short-term relationships not only with men but with female therapists too!) which she claimed, to me, that after all of them she had been abused.
Even statistically is highly improbable let alone “probable” as the courts say. Then over the next 9 months she slowly unilaterally dictated and changed my contact (reducing it every time) to the point where I was travelling to home from work and ended up spending 1 hour with our daughter in the back of my car in a layby near her grandmother’s home. I then started my Court application this is now six and a half years ago. Our daughter is also six years old!
She immediately countered with a Women’s Aid assisted (there were no false allegations before they got involved!) A non-molestation order (no idea why?!) I was sending her (and have retained our texts to each other dating back to 2015) mentioned absolutely nothing about abuse at this point and in some of the first court documents where she had gone to see a local GP health worker talking about, “whether she had done the right thing for X” our daughter).
Nobody who had been abused would behave or respond in this way. All-of-a-sudden (according to court documents) Women’s Aid became involved and bam! We have allegations of controlling and coercive behaviour based on absolutely no evidence. I was also abused by one of these workers while at court. I complained about both of them, nothing was done.
Very long story short, my ex-partner has breached every court order that has been made for frivolous reasons. She has also prosecuted me for sending an apology text pleading to co-parent after the first contact order was made. I accidentally send two more after that (when our daughter was gravely ill one weekend) and again have been criminalised. She then used this to claim she’s still being abused when you can clearly tell its accidental to essentially breach every Court order and now in the last proceedings, she has completely fabricated events that never happened and isn’t in court documents anywhere to emotionally manipulate the (male) judge to have the contact order made indirect – which may as well be no contact oh and he gave me a 3-year barring order.
The judge also forgot to mention my son once in the entire 28-page, logical fallacy ridden, ad hominem character assassination based on absolutely no evidence. In essence the judge didn’t even do the minimum which would’ve been to look at the 4 lever arch files of court proceedings yet instead he’s done the fastest. I was assessed by a forensic psychologist who’s report essentially said what I’m saying has persisted over a long period of time and he thinks what I said I’m certain of to a high degree of certainty and that I had no mental health issues. All ignored. He didn’t even do any fact checking. He used a social worker report which was invalid since I challenged them and social care who sacked her for writing the report. Who now works in the neighbouring region!!
Again, my ex used this as more emotional manipulation of people involved. I also lost my career because of her breaching court orders then calling the CMS (Child Maintenance Service) by then asking for more money. I now know this is known as legal and administrative aggression. It’s part of post separation systematic domestic abuse.
The name of this is Parental Alienation. There is so much more detail but essentially two of her estranged friends she’d known for many years both came to me on their own volition and said exactly the same thing, she has issues. The friend she went to university with said she thought she had “BPD 100%”. I wholeheartedly agree. I’ve appealed but not heard anything about it for months. It’s now been (another) 2 years that our daughter hasn’t seen her brother or her father because her mother has manipulated everyone around her and all the services involved using her psychology knowledge. She is unethically using critical discourse analysis in her court statements to essentially lie and exaggerate or slightly manipulate details of it. In the last court proceedings, she cried over an event that NEVER happened! The (male) judge fell for it hook line and sinker!
This should never happen. Women’s Aid need to be banned from advising and getting if the parent (mother) they’re “supporting” is involved in Family Court proceedings. The police, courts, CAFCASS, social services, police and every service involved should be trained to recognise male victims of domestic abuse. That’ll about do it. There is a LOT more detail. Contempt etc. But that’ll summarise it nicely. I’m sure at some point I will write it into a book, who knows!